The Will to be True Blog

I have been in nursing for at least 50 of my 66 years.  It sure has provided me with a good life.  Being lucky enough to fulfill my dreams through education and hard work is the culmination of Grannie’s dreams, my mother’s ambition, my father’s wishes and my inner drive.  For those ancestors whose genes created mine,  I give thanks and never question that most of what I wanted to do, I was able to achieve.  There isn’t much else except to continue to educate myself and try to pass on that same desire to my children and grandchildren. 

It’s hard to think about losses when I have been fortunate in so many ways but life is often a trade off of one thing for another.  Not sacrifices, but real exchanges for the good or just accepting that decisions have consequences.  What I understand is that the debilities of aging are concomitant with a mind, full of experience, ready to be passed on. Both enable me to come to peace more easily with change. 

So I sit here thinking about the empty space inside of me following surgery, typing its epitaph and trying not to mourn the loss of yet another body part which certainly received its share of work over the years.  When ‘it’ took early retirement from active service, I was dismayed, promising to nurture its quiet years until death.  ‘It’ had other ideas and now lies elsewhere away from me, soon to be buried in an unknown place. 

Wisdom teaches me that when something cries out to be released, we should let go with a happy heart because we are acceeding to the wishes of the other.  These are the lessons of my grandparents and parents.  When their time came, I did  let them go with grateful thoughts for all they did in support of my wellbeing.  Body parts are not quite like people.  They are however, a part of me, like my children and deserve some thought for the service provided to the health and wellbeing of my body. 

So as I recoup from this loss, I give thanks for wisdom which enables me to process change, the career which taught me to accept change, and a family creed which teaches  change as inevitable. 

I can’t put my experience alongside the recent victims in Boston.  Their experience is outside of my scope except as a practitioner.  I am however mindful of the consequences, when thoughtless others decided our fate.  My heart and prayers go out to them for the unintended losses  they must deal with now and forever.